At the scene of a bank raid the police officer came running up to his inspector and said, "He got away, sir!"
The inspector was furious. "But I told you to put a man on all the exits!" he roared. "How could he have got away?"
"He left by one of the entrances, sir!"

 The economy is the only field in which two people can get the Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.

 An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" asks the accountant.
"Well," replies the owner, "it knows how to do complex audits."
"How much does the middle parrot cost?" asks the accountant.
"That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts".
The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"
To which the owner replies "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

 An economist is someone who gets rich explaining others why they are poor.

 A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being processed, he passed a room where an economist he knew was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.
"What a crummy deal!" the man complained. "I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with that gorgeous woman."
An escorting demon jabs the man with his pitchfork and shouts, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

 A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, "This is a muck up!"
"Don't you mean a stick up?" asked the girl.
"No," said the robber, "it's a muckup. I've forgotten my gun."

 How much money do you need?

"What's considered enough money? Just a little bit more".
(Will Rogers)

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars".
(J. Paul Getty)

"A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you're talking about real money".
(Everett Dirksen)

 Bankers are people that help you with problems you would not have had without them.

 If you put two economists in a room, you get two opinions, unless one of them is Lord Keynes, in which case you get three opinions.

 There are two things you are better off not watching in the making: sausages and econometric estimates.
(Edward Leamer)

 McDonalds just added another item to its $1 value menu... Citigroup stock!

 Bank manager: I'm sorry, sir, you can't open an account with this sort of money. They're wooden pieces!
Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account.

 There are two types of economists:
- those who cannot forecast interest rates, and
- those who do not know that they cannot forecast interest rates.

 A student asked a professor of economics:
- What is the difference between socialism and capitalism ?
The professor answered
- Capitalism is the exploitation of humans by humans
The Student:
- And socialism ?
The professor:
- It's the inverse of course.

 Interviewer: What is recession?
Candidate: When “Wine and Women” get replaced by “Water and Wife” that critical phase of life is called “Recession”.